someday...again...

At this dead hour..
when thoughts are wide awake...
the laptop- promising to stay by until the charge runs out..
everything lies here in a mess....unsorted...
i ran through some pictures...taken outside  the class.. i had been going for past two weeks..
and today being the last...
i know...
i'll miss it..
a quick dialogue with alive and barely alive greens around...
here are a few of them...

Never Again

I never thought

that the hands of time

would draw us apart

and leave me with memories

that turn me cold



All of it as though burst into flames

and now we are strangers

-such- the ones- who know each others names



All this anger

along with the palette of doubt

brushed the happiness away...




Did all these sorrows

ever help anyone find a way?

and

have those unsaid things

ever failed to complicate the dismay?



This loneliness ..

left me bitter and broken..

following the walks of a shadow now

the feelings burns these bridges

and the distance says it all

i thought i had my heart in place..

was it mine? oh no...not at all.....



The trick of luck

it nipped away the fancies and beautiful desires

and brought me

all this mystery

that has me defining a warfare between two hearts....



I fall on my knees..

agony dances at the rhythm of my breath

these riddles and unknown answers

born to blind love's way

could only spell a defeated wish-"someday"..



The prison of thoughts

makes me scribble

two words..

every now and then....

and at every sound of love ...

it reads it aloud ...as...

"never again"...





p.s. dedicated to ....i don't know who..:P... well...someone...may be....:P

Can We Do It???

Will I LOSE MY HOME?

I can't term this as genetic fear when the boundaries set- are by my own mind. It's often difficult to decode the spluttering sounds in the head. It's weird yet true that man definitely is one of the most capable and inventive beings. Often extracting inspiration from his natural environment and slowly eating up that home where he dwells -his beloved planet.I don't know if it ever has or ever does occur to him that apart from here we have no where else to go. No matter his indigenous and amazingly remarkable ideas that tower day after day, I hope, he is aware, it's not within his humanly power to create another planet and substantiate it. As mechanical life gets with each passing  day, in this rat race that we have ushered and we proudly groom ourselves in the 'touch era', where virtual space commands dominance over our behavioral pattern now, are we forgetting to get back to the real medium of joy and the source of our being - "NATURE"..?

As I slowly prepare to launch a new me every next day rather than lying there doing nothing and waiting to be devil's bait, I am pushed  to see how carelessly still...I let time flow and fall, before i know its gone and now on the brink of no return. This gigantic wrap around us- urban jungle to be precise- would be just another non- functionable model ..set up by man if nature hadn't lent itself. It would be shameful to say that we have taken nature for granted. As progressive as we are we have walked way ahead than just merely taking it for granted. We may be the artists making these enormous dream cities but we aren't the architects of Nature , who works untiringly from moment to moment while we are busy plundering from it ruthlessly not realizing that  we are inviting a future that would leave us handicapped .

Modern day crisis - a rising devilish challenge- the devastative side of technological revolution seems to be gaining power as one day leads to the next. Nature- A Mother- her sublime lessons , as giving as she is, she could lead us to resent if our attitudes don't change in time. While what you and I would think is unfair , if she flares up with anger it would only be a rightful do on her part.

Our level of planning, execution and creation is way below the subnormal levels of what lies in Gods hands. For those out there who don't believe in God, you can't deny that the universe is in a constant state of flux and that anything can happen anytime , anywhere. Like Sean O'Casey said - All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. There is no element of doubt regarding man's achievements being phenomenal and the fact he keeps taking leaps along the hands of time...and he should....BUT..not at the cost of toying around with nature.

She is the most beautiful thing you will see in all your life. Her canvas is unending and keeps you and me breathing . If lost ..what would cost us is unimaginably expensive -its our Life. I haven't seen my tomorrow..I bet you too haven't and it would take countless lives to explore all this Nature - a precious gift that rests in the palm of 'each man'...Why exploit that in this one Life that we have?

The only promising solution is to live, love, enjoy, treasure and promote further growth of this enchanting carpet of beauty around us...

rather than waiting for someone else to take the first step

rather than thinking 'how' for so long..that it wouldn't matter 'cause its will be lost

rather than weaving conversations on the web 

rather than letting the flames of our actions devour our only home

rather than just- waiting for another choice........

Frankly...there "ISN'T"...any...

Its not necessary to know it all....but it is necessary to know..that which is enough!

I conclude with the line of BBC series on Human Planet -

Stop Stripping Nature Bare With No Thoughts Of Tomorrow.!!!

Can We Do It????

                                                                 (a small portion of my conversation with nature)

Lessons...from the War Horse

A week ago..

Today..was just another saturday..
A alright morning
And the alarm whimpering at my idea of sleeping at waking hours
Off lately , i have been laid back for everything..
well, only if i knew the deal, i''d probably not be lost in this bizarre -so to say- never ending maze.
there are days when sitting by the window over looking the street isn't enough
there are days when listening to  the clock tick tock  isn't enough either
there are days when voices in the head need to be put to a rest...
there are days..when you need to listen to your heart..and not strategize
there are days when you have to let the fire of belief within you outshine every calamity trying to tarnish your soul.

for reasons ,today, i just wanted to stay away from the faces i knew.
escapism is the easiest tablet in such situations.
i am growing inseparable from this habit now as terrifying it is.. i am happy that i am aware.
change will walk in and mend things for me one day, i assume.
quietly crawling away  from - what can i do to change this?

the factor called prayers- resorted to - only when i feel i need it...
i am so wrong there..
not realizing  its so crucial..
so strengthening ..so enlightening ...

the broken hopes
the hurt...
scream...scream their lungs out..
the voice..but mute..
it makes me want to turn around and  walk away rather than staying there and slapping the moment of dis belief  dancing around me - saying- this is you...this will always be you- defeated...
i fall off from the tracks of going the right way
i walk....walk back to me...
quite, unknown, for ever wondering...forever whining...

so the today...afternoon..just came about...
i took my bag...
left to watch a movie...
haha....as always... i was late...
unable to decide...which one should i see...
though i had heard about war horse...and was wanting to see it ever since...i was 10-15 mins late already...
so i thought....na...i can't see that...
but then...i wasn't left with any choice...

horses...alwayssssss have been my love..
as a kid...and till date..
they are such magnificent creatures....

i wont lie... i did cry...it was a beautiful movie...well, atleast for me it was...
Joey (the war horse)....was the hero...

 i walked out with lessons learnt...
the bonding between albert and joey ,amazes me..how wonderfully can a animal understand and love us so well...
there was rigidity of the hearts shown...
but so was kindness...
there was beauty of nature..
so was the hideous side of man..
there was love shown...
so was...how sometimes...people can walk over your emotions...even if they are your people...

i learnt...the carpet of goodness..doesnt lie on the vast and open paradise..
if we open up our hearts with love...
and embrace changes in life...its right there...
it doesnt happen overnight...but it can happen...

how albert never gives up on his love for joey...left me teary eyed...
they way he comes running to him wounded...while albert was blinded due to gas..
how the separation due to war...never ever separated them...
i could just go on...

it taught me....love.. is something you cant give up on...never...
if you value someone..or something... there is definitely going to be a
struggle to keep that person wrapped and warm  under the wings of your heart...
a relationship is not a job...that you get into and walk out of the end of the day...
the relationship is a definition of you.. every moment..of every day...
be it your relationship with your parents, better half, sibling, mentor, pet, hobby, passion....for that matter your relationship with God....
you have to go on....even if things wrong (no one promised you that they won't)....you really have to toil ...and put in  every bit to fix it......may be broken a thousand times...may be too hurt and tired to try it again...may be ..you just want it to end.....may be....
i have been relying on this may be...all my life...
May be tomorrow...will be my day...
i'll tell you this....the may be...never got me anywhwere...
it could never become my torch...
it never made me a better person...
it just made me highly dependent and uncertain ...
...today ...i looked at this may be...as it glared back me ...
and felt....let me replace this may be with trust...
trust...of not failing.....and if at all failing- then only to rise better...

bitter things dont bring joy...
not to anyone...
but...if albert would have given up...on receiving the letter...saying that joey was being ridden by the officer who died in the action......he would never reach there...and battle ...and get his horse back...
he surely wouldnt have...
i watched that thinking...at times...we give up so soon....and regret later...
we know...its never too late...
but what if....one day it is...
before what we love...slips away from our hand....let us love it so much...that when tomorrow happens...a chance to do so..isn't lost..
it takes courage....abundance of it...
but i'll say take the first step...
its the only way to begin......even if it is towards your dreams.....even if its slow.....doesnt matter...just follow it...

Joey's love for topthorn ....i had no words there...and i still don't ...
the moment when topthorn passes away......and joey feels hurt...yet gallops... gallops and is caught by the  barbed wires....shows...life isnt easy....not for you...not for me...not for them...!!!. we alll have battled nine months...not knowing what this world is...and wanting to come into this place....and now that we are.....there is no point quitting....there is surely a point in taking/making better decisions.....but not withdrawing from something you can make happen. love is one of those. crazy...painful...yet indescribably beautiful and so are the other situations in life. It takes tremendous courage to believe in yourself- to make it happen and leaving no stone unturned to do that. and once achieved ..the delight is all yours to relish.

emilie...well...i wish i was her....the  so called boss...:) she had a short role....but a beautiful one...!!! i loved the relationship essayed between her grandfather and her. just so real. her love for joey...was so natural.
in life too... i wish we could at times...not bother about reactions...and the world around us..and just be ourself.. we are so held back by these man made and mind made boundaries . we dont even give ourselves the freedom to be who we are at times.

and..then..i walked back home thinking about the words in the movie...'remarkable horse'...'miraculous horse'....wondering....who has hindered us from becoming...'remarkable ...and ...miraculous' ......who really has...??? and even if the cuts of time...have given us scars and wounds....its left us with stories to tell.....
stories...of life...
stories..that rather be lived today..then put to slumber beneath the blanket of tomorrow...

this  rather looks like a troublesome weekend for me....but what the heck.....i'll push through this too....:)!!!




albert and joey.

Awake in your Dreams

While you are awake..
Awake in your dreams
I sit by the side thinking
Why does this mistake follow me around
And the worry keeps me chained to the ground
The walls of my heart
Feel the tears running down
This trouble, i say..has owned me for life
Waiting for tomorrow
But the story never changes
And why would it matter to you
While you are awake
Awake in your dreams...

Those Blue Eyes..

Those Blue Eyes have been longing to say..
I try to read them everyday
Sometimes the mischief
Sometimes the loneliness 
They look back at me and wonder..
Knowing the puzzle I am trying to solve
They hold me close with utmost charm
And then turn away ..
I am lost
They dazzle ..with the ocean color
The mystery and its spell
I smile at every thought of it..
But only.. if they knew me that well...
I hide away in those eyes
Just to find...
And this game continues each day..
I am a stranger
Just trying to know.. what those Blue Eyes have been longing to sayyy.....

Because I am falling for the memory 

Shared between you and me

And what could I do

To let you know

That even though I didn’t say a thing..

You meant everything

I recall the past

And your loving words

Never were they displaced 

From my heart space

Changes live on till eternity

But what if we could 

Take a moment to think

And walk through the journey

We have had till now

I know you miss it

And find it hard to say it

Its not your mistake

You have been hurt before

I have been through that tremor too, in my heart’s core

So I know what it feels like

But if I let you imagine

The possibility of us

I promise you’ll find a cloud higher than nine

And you’ll find a forever..arching beyond the end of time

But I’ll let you be

For a while with your mind

I wont trade my heart with a another in this crowded place

But I’ll end up stealing yours as you leave me with no choice in this case

So enjoy your time and read your thoughts

Give your self time to wonder and fall for those memories too

And hear those whispers – “This is just the one..meant for you” 

A Dialogue With Nature...

In the quaint abode of rustling leaves

Lost like a nomad in the search of more

I watch the pink blossoms droop to say hello

The streaks of golden whipped across the sky

The open field

The twin shades of the grass blades

The gushing wind

The entire nature dancing away

And when the rain pays visit

Life here swells with joy

The waves clash against the boulders

The thunder plays its radio loud and strong

And at the other end of the world the sun’s orange shimmer  drowning in the sea

Yonder  mountains is where it hides as the dusky blue looks out for it

The moon too, cloaked in enchanting white searches the fireball through out the night

The stars show up like a cluster of jewels

The fragrance of the night-blooming jasmine fills the air

Even through the dark the beauty shines and whispers tales of hope

The God’s canvas as wide as his heart

Filled with love

Moment after moment re- defining the word  beautiful

The work of art that will remain unconquered , born to live till eternity

The paradise which the common man seeks…

Is there right here..

All it takes is a dialogue with nature...

 

just a  little bit of my work  :) i hope i learn the art of photography some day..:) it's a delight:)

To Life....

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.
Arthur Schopenhauer

True, I say, thats the only word that comes to my mind when I read this quote.
Every single day..a new leaf in the dairy... every thought- fuel for a new dream..eventually life.
They say it ...if we were to know everything thats going to happen, what will be the point of living then.
The perpetual and mystifying ways of life is a discovery that remains unconquered , sometimes entangles man. 
He fears..He worries ..He dares ..He dreams.

Yesterday...I  was low...terribly...almost cemented within the boundary called - I hate my bloody life...
I was thinking...if God came down... he and I'll have the most horrifying showdown . It was about time the way things were happening with me should change..it was about time that people understood..its about time that life moves on.
I wanted to breakdown, scream, and yell my worries out.
I wanted to take something and break it..
I wanted to punch my hand, injure myself to feel the pain of something else - more than what  I was feeling then I know all of this may sound as if I am trying to exaggerate...but no.... its all true
But its been 28 hrs since then and I feel different
I feel ...Terrible yet... but for different reasons....first bit was of complains...and now its- how thank less can I be.
Agreed my Life isnt awesome...or any way I'd like to be..
But if I look around ...and of what needs the other people are deprived... I feel shattered...that sight along with the scar of pain clings on to my heart.
Sometimes...you really do wonder...why is there so much suffering around? why the beggars? why the hungry? why the disabled ? why the rich- so poor at heart? just a WHY..that rises like a typhoon and churns your life state- your mind set- the wishes of your heart.
Today I am happy-thankful- whatever the events may be... I am glad... I can see the world...the tall growing trees, the blossoming pinks, the vast spread sky....  I am glad I can hear the sound of the birds...the music of the waves...my mothers voice.. I am glad I can feel the velvet.. the rain ..I am GLAD. And  I accept....THE Change that walks into our life..  it is a partner forever... from the time you breathe ....to the time for goodbye.
I am glad that Life happened to me... and no matter how hard I have to strive..I will.. and embraces these changes warmly... just as Nature accepts the changes in mankind...Just as Gods accepts us for who we are...Just as our heart accepts us. I'll walk hand in hand..Its but one Life to Live...and Live it ALL....
I'll nurture it with Love...and pour my every bit of energy to be myself...and not as the way world wishes..(the wishes keep changing all the time :P)..just saying...;)
To Life....
From Darkness To Dawn
Beneath Your White Wings
I Bloom In Seven Colours
I Dance In Your Rhythm
I Fall Asleep In Your Warmth
You Keep Me Alive
I Keep You Breathing
I AM CHANGE!!!!!! :)

Eyes..

I wanna fall asleep on your shoulder..

and wake up to see the magic in your eyes...

love has me fallen

but risen in your arms

i wish to tell you how much

words dry up..

but God bless the eyes..

for they can say everything ..!!!!