A Little Bit of Me ...

I am still The shy girl with a gazillion dreams ..that weave themselves into my heart each day..moment after moment...
I still believe ..restrictions can make u a rebellion or fine tune u into a loner...
I'll agree to when -people say- break the rules.. let go of the guard.. stumbling down is better than not moving at all...
I'll still choose purple over pink...white over black and red over blue..
I'd say nature and its offerings are the best companions ever ..if you strike a dialogue with them you need nothing more...
I like the idea...of getting home a dog than having a boyfriend...
I love people...who love art...who know what its like to evolve through that medium... they inspire me..
I fall for the glint in the eyes of small kids and their adorable laughter...cute hugs...
Surprises are preferred over plans...and letters instead of emails...
Nothing in the world...like the rains...not even the sun..not even the snow...
Cartoons still make me laugh like a kid...
I'd prefer staying home... than going clubbing...
I find relaxation either when i m watching a movie or m done dealing with something that has made my head scream ouch...
I love cars more than barbies...and once upon a time i lovedddd video games...
sea planes are my new love and fighter planes will always be the love
 i have the ardent wish to defy gravity someday...
 i want to seriously hold a white -flawless snake once....even turquoise would do...and get into a cave where stalactite and stalagmite have a home..
 I want to pet a harpy eagle or a white owl...or the tiny one (i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee owls)
haha..i wish i could solve a maths paper without making a single mistake...
pillows ..walls and air...know a hell lot more about me than anybody on this face of the earth...
i want to watch seven comets at once...seven rainbows at once... and seven constellations at once...
birthdays means...cards cakes and wishes arching to coming years.....
i can not travel by a train...in india...
a beach side dinner sounds better than a too highly sophisticated dinner...
i want to see a blue whale right before me...
a blank paper and a pencil are amazing friends...
sometimes it is better to cripple with pain than speak up and ruin everything u managed to work for...
stairs are better than elevator...
i want to create someday... a buliding...probably in uae or vegas... which is mind boggling...
i do believe in santa.... and fairies...
if you dont enjoy your own company..dont expect others to...
its good to listen to others... but never turn deaf to your voice...
magic...is inviting
ripleys is amazing....
i want to learn how to ride a horse...i loveeeeee the galloping beauties.... i'll name mine stallion
air rifle shooting.. archery ... figure skating....loveeee them...
basketballers ...and dancers will always steal my heart...
bull fighting will remain my favorite sport ...
i wonder what it would be like to stand on the top most peak of the himalayas...
i want to witness an avalanche from a distance...
hitler...is still my favourite...
youth is the most crucial time to cultivate and groom yourself...
having a converstaion with yourself at times can be the best stress buster... or else... a cold shower...
I write ...no i ramble... i dont read... i m stupid... and make tons of silly mistakes...
I dont know to cook..neither m i a foodie...but i loveee good food...-veg- to b specific...
i do not make friends easily... i think alot before trusting a person...n once i do..even if they break my trust...i m yet foolishly attached to them...
i love my mom to death...and argue the most with my father...like a friend...not that i dont fight with mom...they are just a little more fierce ...:P
long walks... are a blessing...
swings call out to me and memories of my childhood...
i fall head over heels for on screen characters...n yes edward isnt in that list...
music plucks my string of thoughts...
poets build a home within me...
the world of science baffles me...and makes me wonder HOW...
universe...was..and will be my love...the space...the galaxies... the stars intertwined ...feels like destiny asking me...never ..to give up...
i dont fear death anymore...had pretty close encounters...
competition should only and only be with yourself...
if their was a chance i could to talk to or meet someone who was no more...it will be einstein ..galileo ..lady diana and mother teresa
i want to go to the artic once..to watch the nothern lights...
i want to tame a brazilian jaguar...or a tiger...swim with sharks and dolphins...meet sinbad the liger.. and travel the world...study art and culture...learn ..what was once my love-dance...
write stories for my grandchildren (haha this is funny considerng how afraid i am of marriage )
fall in love with this guy who makes the whole world seem like some paradise..
be the best daughter i can...
learn to make desserts.. ahaha..i have a sweet tusk...
work for the society....and like i said...a gazillion stuff more...
keep my friends etched into the word family...
and gather myself each time..something breaks me down...the only way to live is to walk the road...:)!!!
write a poetry to mr bachan and my mentor- daisaku ikeda once...
have rajma rice with shahrukh...
meet christian bale.. ohh well i cud go on...thats how...i go about..i ramble... :P
if we are friends and havent fought even once...we are on the absolute elementary level of friendship in my books then...
prayers makes life worth...
having ambitions is the fuel..
creating value is the mission...
and never giving in to lashing circumstances is the key...:)!!!
its better to be a part of mystery than predictablity ...
the sound of the piano has me forever...
m a owl...sleeping at the wee hours ...is pretty much me..
my cellphone.. its the most loved and abused thing around me...
irritating me ..is the easiest thing to do... hah...afterall i have a fowl temper...
clicking pictures is my way of wheeling my time to some purpose... creativity is my hook of love.. i orbit around it...
i love sarcasm... i love FRIENDS...phoebe and joey the most...my life is incomplete without these new yorkers...
i am fruits ...cheese...and paneer....girl...
thumps is my drug ...since alcohol is a thought miles and miles away...
greed and jealousy are my sins...
bugatti veyron 16.4 grand sport...yes id love t own that someday...
nothing compares to school life ...i still cherish the day when my poem got published n my principal spoke to me personally sharing her expectations ..with me..:)
i want to have one birthday...celebration in greece...and other at amritsar...
i hateeeeee cricket
i am not a punjabi.....m a sindhi... but i do not like the language... and prefer..talking lil broken punjabi...
there is alot in life to learn about...
m injury prone...
and loveeeeeeee blue eyes...
saying no is hell lot easier than a yes..
batman is the coolest superhero...
hindu mythological stories amaze me..
the biggest and truest religion that can ever be..is humanity..
isnt it better to just lie down and look up at the ceiling some nights..
yes shopping is indeed a therapy ...also creating something is....
i love to watch the moon...
i nickname the people i really care for...

Watching tv keeps me engrossed ..

I believe if you keep your eyes open ..an be present in the moment  there are hings that you must have never thought about that live to inspire you..

there are two people i miss the most... masi and bua.. because the only time i will ever be able to meet them is when i go to heaven (if at all my chances are bright)

i enjoy gossip....:)
i fear water...and heights...and yet desire to do adventure sports ...(parasailing was soooooooooooo much fun)
i think people back in time...used their brain miilion times more..better than what we do today...its evident from their work that lives with us...
nostradamus ..was not bad....he was just another person...dont we too speak about ill happening..n other such stuff? at times we do...
confusion honestly leads you to dig into better ways and solutions...
procastination happens...when something else becomes more important than your dreams..
you need the bullies... so that you can learn to fight back...and be heard..
peace can only be found..when u r ready to work for it...so is happiness....
politics sucks...
making money is easy.... knowing what to do with it is not....
fantasy..of hogwarts grabs a yes from me...
appreciation and gratitude are the toughest qualities to inculcate..so is humbleness...and compassion ...
knowing few people really well is better than knowing a group of monkeys...
the steeper the climb....the better the view...
its always better to break a few bones by giving the best you have got rather than doubting... and not trying...
failure shouldnt throw you off track.. and achievements should not let the devil in you ..out for a jaunt..
keeping secrets...and playing pranks... are things to do...
sneaking out and getting in trouble is also a must...
Folding your hands before God...and asking for forgiveness... is the chance ..you have each day...he doesnt believe in set offs...but lessons that will make us better...
A tomorrow already rests in the palm our hands...time can be evil to snatch that away...
Before it does...A today lies wide awake...to be held ..to tell a story...worth enough to gift the tomorrow to us...
I DO ...isn't the hurdle...try it out... and dig a grave for I Don't...
These are thoughts.....
Thoughts scribbled ahead of my Name...
For now...
GoodNight....and Sweet Dreams...:)!

Lone Leaf

In this bitter silence

I dangle like a lone leaf

Bounded with the thoughts of tomorrow

That never put me to sleep

Who is there to stand by

I wish the name was known

And then you realize

Its a battle you have to fight on your own

Keep away the emotions

So even the closest heart in the world would never know


How and when got there

Pierced by the arrows sent by the times bow

In prayer when your tremble

And people make you weak

Its these harsh moments

That willingly guide you to seek

What fear will take away

Courage will return ten fold

The winds that gather then

Will no more keep the story untold

I watch the clock at first

And then turn to the blank side

For I'll not let aching wait

Turn into a devastating tide

Sooo.....

In this bitter silence

I dangle like a lone leaf

Bounded with the thoughts of tomorrow

BUT the dreams are mine to keep...

Hid Myself In The Closet ...

Hid myself in the closet

I was afraid to come about..

He stepped in gently 

To guard me and share a few words..

I was broken

Felt like I had lost all the worth..

Then a tear rolled…

I hadn’t spoken a word..

But the eyes said it all..

Woes and worries of a heart..that was waiting to be heard..

I slept off under the sheets of..doubts that crippled my veins..

And I watched the emotions get abused..slowly beard  the pain

He caught hold of my hand and placed it next to his heart…

I eventually surrendered my world....that was on the edge of falling apart..

We spoke for days together…and nights were spent in a wait..

I was enchanted by the magic not realising I was times bait..

Then the halt came..

My hands just try now..to catch the pouring rain..

At this moment…I wonder if things would  ever change..

I heard a mocking laugh…

Coming from the chambers within…

Throwing questions at me.. the speed of which.. drives me insane..

I stay up all these nights..

And hide away in that closet again…

Somehow a tomorrow stops by… to declare its all in vain..

The shadows are falling now..

The clouds roll in..

He who came gently..

will he ever come by…?

Or is it

All the love ..ever to happen…

Was sealed in a goodbye..

The moon is gracing the heaven

And the stars light up the sky…

I’ll stay awake in my sleep….

In the world ..where dreams don’t know to lie….

p.s. its been such an awful day ...apart from the downpour which is keeping me calm....rest every single thing is messed up....

what a start to the week...?!

*rests the head on the pillow*..

I dont even have the stars to kiss me goodnight....

What Would It Would Have Been IF?

So ..the eighth month of 2012..is hitting the end  of the road. Around a month and a half since classes started. New friendships...new  dimension ..and new "samples" :P!!
September made things special for me only because of Ganu.
And maybe september  WAS special for the rest 22years back. I can bet my money on the fact its changed a hell lot now.
Anyway..I won't go there..unless I plan to have a disturbing night.
Apart from all those ridiculous bits that made me sulk big time today..I am just so glad when I am at college...
New friends.. Fun talks... wonderful learning...and trying to crack the codes in the brain real hard.
Honestly with this course- which I thought would be an amazing creative jaunt- I feel at level zero... far off in the league ..as though I was never a part of this imaginative world before.
I can't say how much..yes how much is there for us to learn. It amazes me time and again ...and the only thing I take back from it..is that we'll remain learners through the rest of our lives.
This week has been crazyyyy..I won't say all that was planned was accomplished...Alot wasn't... and man is the coming week going to be mentally challenging and creatively stimulating and down right hectic OR What..??!...believe me...I kinda shudder at the mere thought.
I had such amazing plans...for work to get done and over..n work to start off..n probably read books..write ..draw...nothinggggggg really came through *cries with a baby face* . I have a PhD in *grumbling and whining*...:P and Double Masters in being a * being a spendthrift*. When I really want to buy something...I want it...yes...I do...and if I don't have that kind of fortune..then... I apply my PhD..:P!
And well there is someone who brings this cute little smile right there on my face and of course I won't say who here;)!! But lets just say... I am being silly all over again. The gait  of silly and me...get along so well..ahh the past will narrate it fabulously for your entertainment ....
And before I call it a night

here are a few more words..

Unaware and Almost Lost
I was held on to the tips of reality
By a jar of thoughts
And suddenly the balance dropped..
Gravity called it a Win
And once again
I curled up on the sideways of journey
I never wanted to begin
I met those eyes
I saw a smile..
My heart  trembled... but..
 Feet managed to walk that mile
Tell me now..
Why again
Have I been invited to play this game..
I will lose once again for sure..
Cus I am stolen from myself ..once more

p.s. Not LOVE ( in this case surely can't be..won't be..)..Just a crush :P:P!!! ...But just in case ..What IF...?!!! :P:P:P!!!

Peep..before the Sleep..

wow...!!! Long time eh!
Haha..i enjoy the way we were asked to blog umpteen number of times in our class. Our social media teacher is working her tactics to get us to rip out internet and learn more than Facebook posts.
Talking about the internet..Life somehow seems impossible without it. (ssshhh ..I am Facebook Addict)...
There is so much lying out there ii the vast virtual world to explored. Fun part- the technicality.. to what seems a cake walk... is  so difficult and how.
I am enjoying the way my new course is trying to align my Life.
Its whispering into my ears each night..tomorrow..something new, something different..please dollface...search for that creative person and let it loose .
We make mistakes.
Its ridiculous to think we will get it right in the first go itself.
Trying is the only option. It can be tiring , can burn you out, can make you angry ...but once...yes ONCE...it goes all perfect ..you experience a magic.. a magic only and only you could create.
We have been asked to go on a hunt.. to be alert..to count competition..to set a bar higher than the rest and then drag ourselves to it come what may.
Reading, Writing and more...!
I face the mini storms, yes, each day.
But that doesn't ebb my hopes , dreams, ambitions and the desire to achieve stuff that some  i know will call.."no never...its impossible..especially with you"..
And my driving lessons give me a slight headache. I am so distracted all the time...but...So happy when the road is wide..long and empty. ( haha i keep thinking about Paul Walker and Vin Diesel  super speeedddd and loud music) :P
Its going to be a long week with lotsssss to do.. and lots to plan form the coming month...pheww..
and wow..I miss my friends and gakkai members so much these days..
Anyway birthday is coming and i'll be off for a trip with the college fellas..Hoping to come back with great memories from there...:)!!! eshhhh I don't want to grow up....P.S. I can't stop thinking about my birthday cakeeeeee..:)!!!!!

Criss Cross Happiness

Wow..Its been nearly a month...not that i am an ardent blogger or have learnt the ropes for this particular activity...but still... i return here... return to note down..whats its been like.. so that later ahead when i head back here...i know where i was ..and why...
well...alots been happening...
I am writing this today...because.. its better than looking at some boring soap going on tv... better than waiting for a friend to know.. better than keeping stuff inside.
Exams got over today....and lets say i am absolutely disappointed...not that i should crib over it.. because i never prepared for something which i knew is important... Moms right... I waste alot of time.. a book could be written on it.
Out of 6 i could make it for only 4 papers.. i was half an hour late for each of them.. left 20 marks in all as time ran out... and wrote like as i had never been taught handwriting ever...
I crushes me in my head enough to know the way this examination process treats me each time.
Lets say God wanted to teach me a lesson
I'll atleast pray that some decent marks come my way...

Thats one part of the story
shouldn't i be happy that exams are over and i can look forward to do other stuff during the month???? ....instead i feel clobbered
and the reason isnt just exams... its a hell lot of things...
No career path chalked out... no job.. no independence... no stability..no patience or dedication ...
It feels like the hardest puzzle ever....
No love found....(I don't think the people i love... will ever care enough to know that i do)
Parents unhappy....
Lives of friends... relatives.... some others...
The vast fields of dreams
and last but not the least.. this massive grip of restlessness ....
never ends...never changes for the better...
Yet admist this....in this deep ditch of mess...where the heart lays injured of so many things being told over and over again... there is some grain..that plugs in not to give up..
It could be a strenuous climb..with too many hurdles... and here.. they keep building on as if they dont have any other work...
There are nights and nights in a row where i dont sleep....and wake up with a heavy head later...
I am certainly lost in this crowd...
Looking for hands to hold..
Foolish enough... to not trust my own feet to lead me...
drugged by many emotions of loved ones...
jealous at times..of the ones who have gotten there first...
its like leaving a unpleasant dream each day.... saying time and again.. this is not the life i ordered...
just holding it all in together.. hoping you dont breakdown... actor in this world afterall...
A mask is on for now...
The walk continues...
But i'll say this..... its never been a steady road...never...
however....if your lucky ..you'll find some seedlings of happiness along the way.....that is..if you aware enough to know that they are...
Whatever this today was about.... and whatever tomorrow may be...
The seedlings take years to turn into a fruitful tree... so lets just stick with that...Hoping that someday.. everything will be different...in an amazing way....
making some sense out of the criss cross happiness..that lead us here....

Have a sweet weekend...
And i'll just try to be better than ok... :)
Take Care....

I'll Steal You From The Moon

I'll steal you from the moon..

If thats where you are

I'd Grab all the stars 

And make a string to reach the sky

And bring you back to where you belong 

Right here

Its the paradise we once dreamt of

And dreamt of together

While we sat by lake and watched the silver ribbon twirl 

Sparkling waters

Words of whispers and innocent promises of the hearts..

Thats how we were

And a universe in those eyes

But

Did time make a different choice ?

All things went dim

Surely ..this is nt right..

But...hey

I'll steal you from the moon ..

If thats where you are... :)

Dainty Darkness

Wow..its been a few days since I came down here to be a bit me .
Where did my teen years just go .. I have no idea..
There were lots of twists and turns though ..final years of school..which meant telling all the babyhood friends bye until we met again. It meant telling all those care free and routine years bye. It meant ..no more being a t a teacher pet. It also meant.. bonding getting stronger , memories to carry , ink day craziness and keeping that uniform alive with all those words, it meant remembering the school prayer for the rest of our lives , all those medals and certificates , all those scoldings and punishments , all the pranks and competitive fun, the responsibilities .. the pat on the back for being a good kid.. ahh.. all wrapped up beautifully and kept in the treasure trove of the heart . Those days meant...Discovering Yourself. :)
Today... its been 7 years.. and now everything is so different. Lives have moved on.. Dreams have changed and Life... continues to throw challenges ..the speedy ones, constantly .
I have always been a bit indecisive.
And this day is no different.
Coming down to age where I am .. Am often lost in a wonder , the list of 'to do'..'to want'.. ' i wish' is soo huge at times, I mean mostly .
The darkness remains.. remains like a unwanted topping over an ice cream.
I whine and complain ..like always.
I crib and criticize .
There are days when I just forget to be thankful .
The questions that the crop up in the mind are another story .
I  have watched people search for a peace providing anchor in such situations .. pretty usual.
 I have always found a way out of this dark.
Dainty Darkness as I say it....
Its a much requirement ..in my opinion.. , just so that we are able to dig in more and beyond.
Scratch the layers of unknown and watch a potential surface that would bewilder us.
God is always there.. always.. no questioning that. Silent yet a wonderful teacher ..father.. friend.
Just for a moment appreciating this dark.. cause its because of this that we will be able to urge ourselves to reach that light. Its a portion of something we don't wish for.. and yet it occurs over and over again ..just so that we get to know ourselves better.. just so that we plunge into the believing in ourselves and wage through the storm beautifully.
Cases have been ... where people give up.
Its natural.. they are not to be blamed.
But then again.. don't the stars shine in the dark ..?
Haven't the people who have really believed in themselves and worked down every bit of the sweat to get where they want to be .. astonished us time and again.
We all are amazing.. there is no way we would have made it into this world without being that.
Our roles may be different.... are locations may be different.. but we belong somewhere.. where every night for maybe a billion years now..never came in without a morning.
Its nature proving it to you ... you need anything more ?
I am still in this dark... well with regards to academics ..career and a hell lot more..
But there is a strange peace in it.. a sort of re assurance ... that no matter what.... the sunshine will fill up the room of my heart and lead me to a golden palace ..where all that desires resides. :)
This dainty darkness is indeed the time .. to roar with a deeper resolve .. and churn the energy , hard work and determinations into something absolutely beautiful.
There are many lesson to learn along this passage of time.... and this darkness..is a pathway disguised.
I am going to make the most of it. :)

No harm in being your own sunshine through the dark 

Even the courage to say 'you want to' is a sign  of that light 

Something beautiful about darkness to be rejoiced 

Just Flowers And Leaves

Well, My Dubai Break Has Been Awesome.
The fact that I couldn't access by blog from there was not cool.
I don't know what to write about that trip and how much.... but I will tell you this , I am amazed at the energy people have, to give life an new direction and meaning each day...to make it purposeful and worth ..to make it enjoyable and example for others. Life is hectic there . Family being there made things easier though. It was good to be in a place where there was so much around to see ..but damn my camera had to fall ill during this trip ...its still not done up and i miss it sorely!!!
This post ..is about the last week in Bombay before I headed for my trip... I just wanted to go around like manic and capture everything I saw..but that wasn't possible. I couldn't hit the beach either. I walked around...Sometimes in the devilish hot summer sun.. and saw these beauties looking back at me with love. God has spent so much time in making this nature ..its colors..its various faces..the seasons...that every single detail...such meticulous work....and what have we accomplished..???!!! Turned into corporate stooges ? Made the tallest tower? Owned the most expensive car?? Yes ..what??!! I won't say I do not have any materialistic desires....But...I am not blind or ungrateful either... that I rate my wants and pleasures at top rank before what what God has created for me...!! I am marveled each time ...and blessed to witness ..touch..capture..and relish the delight of this beauty!! I hope... that some people who look nothing beyond parties ..blowing up money ..doing the wrong..wake up one day.. and look what lies before their eyes...and treasure it...!! Cause frankly...in the years to come..neither do you or I know..what future may give us to see!! Its There Right NOW..AND ITS BEAUTIFUL .....Why Miss It????

Meanwhile Lets Just Dream

Meanwhile Lets Just Dream


Walk Down The Street Of Words


Written In The Language Only Known To The Heart


And Stay Out There For A Bit


Holding On To What Could Have Been


Gather The Broken Promises


To Fix Them


Watch How Did We Fall For One Another


Without The Slightest Clue


Locked Ourselves In The Warmth Of The Friendship


And Oh...The Stories Of Little Mischiefs


That Kept Us Close When Eyes Didn't Meet


How The Hands Love Cut Down The Aching Distance


And Soothed Missingness


Suddenly Everything Broke Away


Its Hard To Figure How And Why


No More Were The Words Understood


All Of It Changed So Soon


That It Causes Me Wonder


And At Times Question It Too


Why Did I Ever


Let Myself Into A World Not Owned By Heart


And Ended Up Getting Bruised


Now The Distance Has Doubled...


The Loudest Voice Is Read As Mute


I Was Held Together


The Pieces Now Crack Into A Million


And Orbit Around Me With My Reflection


Asking Me A Hundred Times ..How Come?


This World Has Now Left Me Unsure


So Much So ..That Reality Flares Up An Illusion


Illtreated By The Doubts Left Free From The Confine..


Thoughts Are Now Feeble


Memories Drowning In Your Name


But..


Meanwhile Lets Just Dream


Walk Down The Street Of Words


Written In The Language Only Known To The Heart


And Stay Out There For A Bit


Holding On To What Could Have Been