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6 Nov 2012

why the heck even take the effort to type down "www"..
simpler life
complicated technology
distance put to rest by an sms ...yeah thats where we are...
i hate this age i am in
i hate the way a clock rules my life.... i wonder how more dramatic things will get once i have a job.
and yes i wish google could give me all my answers.
it cant .... in a zillion years it cant
not because the high end and rapid changes in science and tech cant bring us that ... but just because.... often whats not a search on the internet... its the search done by scarping the various layers of time...and moments of the day.. scraping them to figure... what the hell it really was -is- could be....
it feels like ages ... since i have written here... not because i was too caught up.... yes i was..but not so much that it would keep me away from here...whether someone out there reads it or no.
so this search... whats it all about.... and why .
i think its important to feel let down... its important that life puts us through trials..its important to be heart broken..its important to cry... and its important to question.
often lost in stories of wonder which dont seem to end... i get caught up in the rough wind of emotions that bar me from welcoming a brighter tomorrow.
i wont say life hasnt changed.  it has but.. along this pathway of change.. i have turned more into a rebillion than the one who understands- accepts -and changes things for the better.
i lie awake.. at dead hours of night... with mad rushing thoughts..thinking ..and feeling like a failure. i shouldnt be saying this considering how blessed i am - to have a family - to get a two time meal- to study - to communicate- and all of that.  but these days... its certainly different... i draw myself into chattering crowd to find silence. i barely pray anymore... and listen to the spluttering sounds of the doubts born to blind me . the glint in the eyes has disappeared. the will to perform and prove is diminishing. i am closer to adapting the words often said- useless - thankless- cant keep anyone happy.
there are people who love you .... or rather things... who get you to love them  so much  that you dont have time for anything else.
i am tired of figuring out what the hell is this search all about though.... search for love- money - career- fame- creativity- friend- understanding- courage- faith -peace-happiness...what ..just what..
dreams dont seem to find an exit..
life gets grilling ..
but as time arches to tomorrow.... even though the day fails me right down till night... and i am left with nothing but much of ache which is hard to spell..
i know...that one day... i will be brave enough to break barriers and define a place beyond the skies..
one day ... darkness indeed will be my best friend for it lead  me to the light in way nothing else could have...
one day... the music of hope will help me pen a song... a song... where a string of achievements reside and laughter blossoms..
like i wrote a few days my update.... "best people in life are the ones who treat you in the worst possible manner for no given reason and often they are the ones who are your very own "
someday ...people who don't know will see... and grow up to know.... that each of us is special ....and there is this jar of unique star dust ...we own... it helps us shine when its TIME...
bitter gales are just a test...or the best URL  to hunt the true "shining" person within you .
its hard ofcourse .... but i hear everything in this world comes with a balance ......i just hope those aren't rumours ....
from now till i write next (dont know when )- take care .