The month is over… and I already feel a sudden respite. My head is calm .. my fingers know the next word I want to type .. my vision is not blurred by worry. May has by far been the most annoying month of the year and like always I await june. As a kid I used to wait for june because summer break would be over and I would be back to school again. The all new start to memory wagon and the RAINS. The smell of the wet earth..the leaves swaying the grey skies and backstreet boys on loop. The purity and gaiety of childhood never returns…. Seasons do however. I sense a new beginning , I don’t know if there is going to be one but I just feel something is going to change and iron things out. I am a Rain Kid. June means magic. June means MOM and DAD. June means shopping. June means hope and June means LOVEEEEEE!!!!!!!
I wish I had a synonym for love… but I never found one. Not in books , not in the far of distances. Someone once said..love is God…my mind chuckled and said … LOVE IS JUNE!
I don’t know why I say so..but I say from the heart and no … june always hasn’t been THE month each year. Its had its share of amazingness and awfulness…oh bloody well it has.
And today being the 1st day of june this year… I felt..lets write something. I don’t care about the vocab or who is going to read it or the flow of the sentences or any darn thing. I care that I am going to put my heart out as I write what I write.
I don’t know why but this seems about right .. to write about the one person I really have loved /liked (to make it less controversial) for a really long time. The june boy. Okay umm when I fell for him I didn’t even know his entire name .. let alone his birthday. I only got to know much later ..after I had met him that he was a june boy. I met him on july 3rd… what a Sunday that was! A Sunday when I couldn’t believe who stood right before my eyes. His eyes – they were magic . You know that whole bollywoodish cum fairytaleish moment when your head is dizzy and eyes are sparkly and your mind can’t conjure what the heart wishes to say…haha it was precisely one of those over-hyped yet beautiful moment of my life. 11.37am to be bloody precise! I won’t say that I have loved him all out- uncontionally and blah blah blah… but I have kept at it for the longest time. And everything just makes me smile. I know a lot of people who might think I am out of my mind and all this is unreal. But here’s something… I don’t question it.. because the day I do … this whole thing will lose its cause and soul…which is making me HAPPY. I don’t expect or see a future… as teen may be I did so .. (c’mon I am allowed to have my fair share… when half the world can drool over and marry vampires.. all I asked for was a human) . Now I have grown out of that zone. Not the connect however. And its not something I want shall fade. It’s a story. It may be gibberish for a few but for me its something that is possibly indescribable in words. And some bonds don’t culminate into a relationship they just exist ….just like faith .. just like love… just LIKE A BLESSING. I would never discard the fact that he has always been one. I have not met a zillion boys…nor do I wish too ( Men can cause so much trouble *drama queen mode*) but I have met a decent number and I know no one will ever be like him. The look or his profession (which some may think is the count in factor) isn’t actually what matters. His beautiful brown eyes and amazing smile however do. The physical presence … I have learned via this connect isn’t required. Minds are taut devices…they know how to communicate and hearts are at par brilliance in doing that. I always wondered… what these gamut of emotions meant.. and for my answer I resorted to God… and never has he let me go disgruntled. Dangling yes…. But we all dangle no ? our lessons through these series of dangling and dwindling differ. It’s just good to have someone.. who has no idea what probably they mean to you. Its good to let your world revolve in subtle way around someone..without hampering your focus.. and its good to smile admist a dream knowing you are capable to loving if not anything else in this lifetime.
That Gorgeous birthday month is here… can’t wait : )
A good friend of mine these days has been having a good laugh over this little bits of my everyday stories and says “your life is becoming rangeen” and goes on her hahahhahaaha spree
And a childhood friend of mine quoted “ listen we are still stuck in 9th standard”
Aaaannnd my oldest childhood friend is mentally prepping up for a soon to be “new chapter” of her life…
Man we have come a long way. From candy heart kids to classroom debates…. to hops and bats to kho-kho….. to camera drama to boy discussion …to what to wear…to what to say .. to boss issues to any form of trouble ….to mummy ne yeh bola..to daddy got me something fab today..etc. Everything neatly bundled up into a memory and filling up the sleeping pillow.
All I shall write today (to anyone who needs this) .. that please oh please …lets talk about relationships. Dude…what issss this phase in life…!!!! All my friends on different levels.. my just a graduation ceremony away from being an agony aunt. Someone can’t top loving someone…someone can’t stop missing someone…someone can’t give a damn about someone…someone keeps slipping into depression…someone resorts to a total shut down..someone doesn’t know if its real..someone breaks up every second day ..someone just can’t seem to find the one.. and so on.
Dude listen .. *statutory warning: I haven’t been in a relationship …so may be I don’t get you.. but this isn’t the first time I am being a shoulder or a ear or a heart to someones deep wounds* .. so lets just have my say on this. ----Relationship constituents – TIME HEART and FAITH! Not geography not money ..not physicality not fashion..not education. Its lke a paper heart string.. you cut out one and at the end connect up to so many …buuuttt only one of them is close. That heart could be anyone.. a teacher a parent a dog a plant your guitar a piece of art just anything on this darn face of earth. All you need to know there is exists an unexplainable connection and trust me nothing breaks that communication. Not even the ugliesttttt scars. However its imperative for me to mention ..please don’t wear blinkers and mock your own beautiful life. No matter how obsolete things may seem…or you wish to run away or perish … boss be there. A relationship or for that matter love EMPOWERS. No fucking one said …there wont be heart breaks…oh bloody there will be …may be many ..may be few…may be just one. You will feel immense disappointment ..the anger pain.. the worry the questions ..the lonely spree…or may be phases of escapism. Look I was taught my mother..that I am born as an individual ..my karmas are mine. I shall die..the way I came…alone. It’s a universal rule. But she never said …kid don’t be attached to someone or something. Who it shall be.. was my call more often than not. Why should I vault over the consequence when I did pretty much make a choice. No one is here to succumb to the wounded memories…. Its just that we at times fail to realize and look at life from a perspective of an individual. No love is fake. If its fake its not love. So please don’t regard your efforts as shit. Just because someone doesn’t appreciate doesn’t mean no one has kept a tab… God has his own set of accounts. Where most kids/teens/ youth today have grown tremendously impatient with their relationships .. I don’t know why no one sees ..that yes… you have to be happy too…not just the other person. You have to learn and respect too…not just expect that. You have to build a relationship into one ..being two different minds..with hearts in unison. You don’t have to stagnate .. you have to improve. You don’t have to blindly build a bond.. you have to take a like its for your own life forever. You don’t have to treat it like an activity you have to treat it like a matter of heart. Give each other dreams wings of belief. Reason out things. Make plans and work them out. Its called falling in love…not hopelessness (self quote) hehe! Do that. And yeah…… listen… if things don’t work out ..get ugly and you have to walk away …bossy … get a grip of your life please. Not everyone shall make your life colourful no ? never under estimate or draw conclusions about yourself over the spill of past…never ever. Don’t let anything broken cement you into it. You love a person ..great.Hope good for them and do good for yourself. Don’t hinge in stupidity. We all want things to work out.. but there is no point in ruining a self that you’d end up hating eventually. Take it as a chapter…or maybe a page.. whatever you make like.. and make it count…not CRY! You are grown up enough to deal with things.. and you are aware enough that more than anything else in the god damn world you need yourself… not pointless reflections.. your true self.. that can slap you in the face and make you realize you have a purpose.. and that is to be Happy. Someone once said… a day without smile ..is a day wasted… I agree. …So hang in there.. and the sun will show up .. if not .. I promise I will sit under the blanket of stars and hear your woes.. like I always have. Much more love than you need…via this hug! ( Dear God.. please gift me with a halo if not a …honda accord will work) *grinning*
Closing with the lines ..of my current heart throbs new movie (Sid)…p.s. my list never ends it gets difficult to keep a track hahahaha!
Pal do pal
Ki kyun hai zindagi
Is pyaar ko hai
Saadiyan kaafi nai
Toh khuda se maanglu
Mohalaat mein ek nayi
Rehna hai bas yahan
Abh door tujhse jaana nai
See you soon :)